You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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