You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
