He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
