okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
