I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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