DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
