At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
