What did we do last night that was yellow?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
