so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
