I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
