i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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