Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
