So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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