Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
