I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
