Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
