Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
