Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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