I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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