i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
