Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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