I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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