What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
