omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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