just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
