Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
