I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
