Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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