Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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