You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
