Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
