all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
