Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
