a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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