how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
