I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
