3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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