I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
