Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
