Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
