drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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