so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's always time for handjobs
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
