she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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