There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Still dying that you shit outside
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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