Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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