Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
