Pants 0. Shit 1.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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