Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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