I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
