I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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