Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
