So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
