question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
