What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
